This is an ancient chinese proverb that says: "We have no idea whats GOING ON". In China, without speaking Chinese or without knowing what to do with the chinese alphabet besides admire its beauty, you might as well be on Mars. Nothing that we read makes any sense to us, so not only is it hard communicating but you can rule out anything in print too like toilet, your hotel's name, taxi, bus, train station, or anything on menus. I had to ask someone yesterday if we were at the train station (phrasebook oh you mighty god) because it looked a lot like an airport. Pretty sure it was just the train station, but I swear one guy was trying to tell us it was both. In fact, the heading to this blog post I just copied and pasted from the computer, I have no idea what it means, we never do.
Coming into China on the bus I expected to see something that looked like another planet. It has always been such a foreign far away place to me. Not that India wasn't but the reason why North Americans joke about "digging all the way to China" is because you couldn't get any farther away from home. As we were approaching the border on the bus from Laos, I was looking out the window for some dramatic change, where it would be obvious that we were on the other side of earth. I don't know what I was looking for, a small part of me thought that the grass would all be 20 feet high and red, with red velvet streets, midnight black steel tree trunks sprouting yellow metal leaves. Or maybe no trees at all, some other vegetation that I had never even seen before. Maybe there wouldn't be wooden telephone poles, just shiny silver daggers that were just as tall, but they wouldn't have any wires due to the advanced technology--they would be wireless. None of this was out of my window. It made me think how similar all these places on earth are. The grass is ALWAYS green, the dirt brown, the trees different shades of the same colors, the double yellow and white lined roads, the asphalt, fences, square houses, tall telephone poles, metal cars, trucks, buses, cotton wool and synthetic clothing, high tech cell phones, colorful vegetables, meat, food, and people. Of course there are vast differences, but really how different are they all? I guess I am surprised how alike we all are.
Besides the Chinese language. Wow. No influences from Latin up in here. Chinese is as alien as what those big headed beings speak when they hop out of their spaceship in a trailer park in Arizona. It gives me great pride for the human species when I see other westerners speaking fluent Chinese. Although those westerners give us dirty looks and always seem to have their noses pointing towards the clouds, they have surely conquered something difficult. The Chinese on the other hand are always wanting to learn English, we have had tons of young people approach us inches away from our faces just to practice english and offer us help. One morning when we were staying at this hostel at a University in Mengla, we caught a quick coffee with three students. After our usual where you froms and nice to meet yous, this one girl broke a silence with, "Could you sing us an American song?" Never got that one before....Zaz, Colin and I ripped into "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi ......before we realized we didn't know the middle or the end. The girls, seemily frustrated, asked us to sing "You Are My Sunshine". We belted that one out like the three leads in the JFK Elementary school chorus. From beginning to end. It was more our speed anyway. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey......."
As Zaz said, Laos was a welcome gem after Hanoi. It was as if they had glued postcards to the bus windows. Huge rolling green hills spread like a gigantic family of octopuss, their tentacles in the form of acres and acres of bright green rice paddies. The bright yellow sun reflecting off the water beneath the green blades would give away the rice paddie-- up until you saw that water, you'd think it was just miles of grass. We ended up in a town called Vang Vieng. We thought it was a small village with 1 restaurant and a few barber shops form the first night's stroll. The second day we walked a little farther and found a mini Bangkok (very mini), with bars, restaurants, rocky balboa playing in lounges serving "happy" pizza, cappuccinno's and the whole deal. We were ready for it after Hanoi so we sucked up fresh shakes, good wine, cappuccino's and made many more western friends. Four that we became good friends with. One Swiss couple are helping us through China now (because they are 1 week ahead of us giving us great recomendations), and another couple that we may see again soon--they offered their place to stay in London when we circle back home.
Zaz and I heard Vang Vieng is known for tubing. So while we were out bike riding one day near the river, we decided to check it out and see what the tubing was like. We weren't sitting on our bikes for more than 2 minutes when one wave of wasted westerners came cruising down the river--beers in hand. One girl was trying to get everyone to sing "row row row your boat" and the other three half heartedly joined in. Maybe the other three didn't suck on any rice whiskey. One of them yelled out, "watch out for that rock!", and she just bounced off it without spilling her beer. She didnt even sweat a bit thru her white sunblocked nose. We left thinking maybe we'll do it, not too psyched. The next day we ran into a couple from Colorado at a restaurant and we all agreed that tubing sounded fun, but we didn't want the focus to be getting loaded. Zaz and I both like to rage e'ry now and again, but when someone stands on their tube yelling at a local farmer plowing with his ox to do the Macarana, it sort of kills the buzz for us.
But these two new friends from CO were agreeing with us that we didn't want to go out like that. "I mean, we can have a few beers." "These frat types are sooo cheesy man...." "Can you imagine what the local people think of foreigners after this?" "I heard this guy yesterday just got naked and walked thru town- totally embarrassing himself." "Lets not be like that, lets just have some beers and cruise down the river." "Totally." "Totally." And that was how it went--for about 10 minutes. This couple has possibly never had beer before, and the couple of shots of rice whiskey we had didn't help their tolerance issue. They had these bar type places all the way down the river where there were the usual things for people that had been drinking all day: you know rope swings, zip lines, and cliff jumps. The first sign that things were shady on the new friends front was when they both vowed to never go off any rope swings--EVER....and that promise to themselves lasted until the first rope swing (and the first rice whiskey swig). This only got worse with more beers, and soon zaz and I latched on to people that could hold their alcohol and act stupid because they felt like it. The CO couple soon were fighting and they were off down the river. This is when we met our British friends....and we had a wild time, and I could swear we were singing some stupid song right as we passed where Zaz and I observed others the day before.
We hit up the rope swings, bonfires, and met a lot of people. It was pouring rain for the last hour or so, but it was so hot-nobody cared. I love not caring about getting soaked in the rain. It makes you feel like a rebel or something. At the end of the river, there was a guy holding a taxi sign right by this foot bridge. We agreed to get out there but the river had other ideas. Anna and Rachel were being taken away, they couldn't get a good grip on the bridge to stop. I took off my clark kent spectacles and told eliza to man our waterproof bag (holding money, sunglasses and such) and my tube--I was gonna jump in and get them. I felt a little less like Superman when I jumped into 3 feet of water, but I saved the girls none-the-less. Eliza hadn't quite held her end of the deal down. When I turned around, She was on her stomach with her head underwater holding her raft desperately, she had one foot stretched out barely holding on to my raft and the waterproof bag was casually floating away from us down the river. All this in the pouring rain at dusk. I helped her get control and we all had a really long loud laugh. Zaz said that as soon as I left, everything went in different directions and she held tightly on to an old used flip flop she was using to paddle--taking the priority off of the waterproof bag. We were all really glad that flip flop was safe. Phew.
We all went out that night and had a great time. It's so fun when you have new friends that you really LIKE. If I could just give one piece of advice for anyone heading to Vang Vieng: Don't try the "happy pizza" when your new friends have very strong London accents. I'll just leave it at that. All six of us met in the next town, Luang Prabang. Mom, you'd love this place. Shops lining the street that were not trendy or corporate--all traditional homemade wares for sale and local restaurants. We shopped like crazy here because everything was so cheap and so beautiful. There was a bar called the Hive bar that was straight out of dowtown LA. We swam under a huge waterfall and enjoyed Laos BBQ cooked right at the table with an international group of 10. After the BBQ, we all hit up night Bowling. That was a trip. I couldn't quite figure that place out. Mostly young local Laos including a large population of hookers. The neon lights disguised what the place was really about. Seeing a huge wall of cubby holes filled with bowling shoes on the way out confirmed something. Don't know what exactly but no one was wearing bowling shoes when they were bowling. Our room was $4.50 a night and we ate regularly at this vegetarian place in town for .50 cents. We felt like the beer price was a little high at the Hive at 1.50 for a 22 ounce--boy are we going to have to get used to things when we get home.
Luang Prabang is a splitting up point for many people. It is in northern Laos, it's sort of the end of the line for the curcuit through Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam. Everyone is mainly on the same circuit which is kind of cool, you'll keep running into the same people (sometimes not so good). From Luang Prabang some people head to China, some to Thailand, and most seem to be heading home. We had a semi-plan of a town that we wanted to end up in in China and found out it was a 36 hour bus ride from where we were. We thought we'd take our time, doing a few hours traveling a day to spread it out. That was one of the best decisions we have made this trip.
We started on a boat trip to Nong Khiaw. The pictures of what we saw would probably do it more justice than having me describe it here (and something tells me that eliza will go into detail because she loved it so much), but it was beautiful. The river was surrounded by 99% forest the entire way. Bright green mountains with blue skies and the occasional limestone cliffs. We stopped for a bathroom break and little kids no older than 10 taught us how to fish with a net. The ride was 7 hours and the only down side was the little wooden seats, but when my butt hurt I just went to sleep in the back. That's my new thing. My boney butt hurts when I sit on hard seats. Sorry I turned 90 along the way somewhere. Made me realize how maybe the complaints increase with age. Nong Khiaw was a town as big as a few restaurants. It didn't have really anything to do, which was really nice. One day we went on a walk and found a village and a cave. And everyday Colin and I fished at sunset while all the kids in town laughed at us (we were doing something wrong but couldn't figure out what) The nightlife consisted of watching old Laos men play Bacci Ball while we gave them nicknames. "Silver Balls" ran the show, he was like the guy who shows up to bowling with his own ball all polished and ready to roll.
We had a tight little crew, one guy from Canada(colin), a girl from Korea(cheen), and some insane people from the U.S.(we do need more U.S. travellers out here, I'm not sure we are being properly represented). Zaz and I left with Colin and Cheen to head to Luang Nam Tha in a mini van with 16 people in it. Right on the border of China. I thought the van was full after 5 of us got in, but everything flipped into a seat, and in no time we were driving way too fast around every bend for 4 hours--but that doesn't phase us the least anymore. We'd stop at places along the way for gas and some people would ask for a bathroom. A bathroom? These people hadn't quite got to that stage yet, their kids were playing with the cow that was under the stilted house....they kept pointing to the woods.
Luang Nam Tha was a great choice. It was a bit off the tourist trail, really quiet, small, and many local indigenious tribes and villages everywhere. The second day there we went for an all day motorcycle ride on the border of China up and over old growth mountains and through villages. We left in the morning and got home at dusk. It down poured on us at one point, but we've learned that this is a great way to meet locals. We saw a group of road workers laying under a big blue tarp, and when we pulled over they invited us in. Two of the young guys spoke pretty good english, so we had them teach us some Laos curse words. Not that you would ever need them in Laos--Laos people are SUPER SUPER friendly. What everyone has said was absolutely true. All day everyday you walk by people with the biggest brightest smiles saying, "Sabadee!"(hello). You learn to copy them and add an emphasis on the "deee" and extend it to "Sabadeeeee!"--so fun. You kind of look forward to it when someone is approaching you on the street. After that we had other fun on the road- like getting a liter of gas in a beer bottle and buying an ice cream from the "ice cream man" on a motorbike with a cooler strapped to the back.
We slowly convinced ourselves to buy our bus ticket to China. We thought China was going to be difficult so we were procrastinating on the warm fuzzy couch of Laos. Cheen headed to Thailand and Colin stayed with us. We've been blown away by China ever since. It is modern, ancient, clean, hotels are spotless, bus rides are luxurious with beds to lay in, the people are super friendly (something we heard was not true), and everyone writes in this alien binary code made only for east asians. We came in with a fury of "Neehow"'s (hello), but people are more intraverted here, kinda like us. The first place we stopped was Mengla where we all got some cash. When I asked a guy where the cash machine was(possible only by my phrasebook), he really thought he was helping when he wrote it out in Chinese. We all laughed when he wrote it down. It looked like a small Picasso on a napkin. What could we do with this? I felt badly that we laughed but could he really of thought that we knew his code? It surprises us how much confidence they have in us, many times they think writing it down will help. After we laughed, he scrapped that one and wrote it larger and slower on another piece of paper. We didn't laugh after that.
Sometimes its great that no one can speak english. No one tries to sell us anything because we have no idea what they're talking about. And you can get away with stuff. If someone at the hotel asks for an extra charge for towels lets say, you just say sorry I don't understand and walk away. That reminds me of a funny thing that happened to us: North of Mengla we were in this national park where there were supposed to be elephants. The elephants only come out in the middle of the night. We thought that was weird until we woke up the next morning to HUNDREDS of Chinese tourists screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs (the Chinese are loud when they talk). These tourists were led around by tour guides yelling in bull horns! Several of them tried to get into our cabin just to see us! We felt very close to the elephants that morning. I guess we were the only whitey's renting out the cabins for the night. When one man looked in the window we knew he wouldn't understand us if we cursed, so we just yelled "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" to scare him or something....These Chinese tourists were so funny to watch, loaded down by huge camera hip packs and stretched black socks tucked into sandales. And every single man in China smokes. That is not a generalization--every one. They would all take a picture where the elephants were "supposed" to be and move on making elephant calls down the trail. Colin, zaz and I had lunch right there with them at the only restaurant place in the woods. Before I knew it, Colin was yelling to take video of him making a speech. He had borrowed a bullhorn from one of the tour guides. (Remember not one person in the entire crowd could understand anything he said) There were about 75 people watching his every move- as is common here in China, and in the wild. He started his speech:
"Excuse me everyone excuse me listen up. I just wanted to let you know that you all have ZERO chance of ever seeing elephants because you are all so LOUD. Please if we can, quiet down and maybe we'll all be able to be graced by the presence of elephants. That's why we're all here right? In other words, you all need to tone it down, OK? Also, I wanted to say that I love China. I have only been here for a few days but it has been really great so far. Thank you have a good day."
A few people clapped.
Since then we've been to the biggest and cleanest city of our trip, Kunming, where we club hopped with Chinese (again everyone was friendly but there is just no way to have a conversation that lasts more than a thumbs up and a pat on the back with a smile), visited the ancient walled city of Dali where marijuana grew freely in the woods for people to pick and these huge black mountains hovered above you like rain clouds, and we sucked up the historic city of Lijuang with old architecture and cobbled streets.(I have some photos of this one that will give you a glimpse--photos do help sometimes.)
We have seen and done so much this go around that I am less excited to write about it-- if that makes sense. We look forward to giving you all a peak at the slide show. We only have a month and a half left!!!! The only thing that has been bad is the food. We haven't hit the Chinese cuilinary hot spots of Chengdu and the South East but its kinda been greasy and not so good so far. And sometimes because of the language barrier, you don't get it your way (sorry for the Burger King plug). I have twice just pointed to chinese characters on the list not having a clue what the dish was. I didn't care anymore after taking 2 hours to find the restaurant. I was pleasantly surprised once when a Corona came out (it could've been worse believe me), but then again I was still hungry. One night eliza and I found this place (because a very sweet Chinese couple that walked us all the way there-happens often) that had pictures on the menu. We thought we were set until I got Pork Knuckles and Eliza got mouthwash mixed with club soda. We had dessert at Walmart.
love,
gregg
p.s. After copy and pasting this headline and writing this blog, I turned to the guy next to me to ask him which button said "POST" (a la phrasebook--because the entire screen is not in english). He said he didn't know cuz it was Korean.
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